Becoming British

There is is a sense of ambition and empowerment in desiring a seemingly unattainable goal.  A goal in which "normalcy," and even reason, shuns the possibility of.  I regularly seem to have this problem and yet many times, I have somehow found a way around it.

When I was barely 21, despite my parents' chagrin, I flew to London by myself and bounced around Great Britain and Ireland completely by myself.  Not too long after that, I randomly took up painting, (and by "took up" I mean to say I just started Crayola water coloring half-seriously), and ended up painting a picture which hangs in my parents' house.  By the time I was 22 I had taught a year of 5th grade and signed a contract with a Chinese school to teach English for them the following year. 

After all these instances in my life where I threw out the rule book of "normal" twenty-something life, I seem to have this growing stirring feeling inside me which tells me I can do great and impossible things.  While I'd like to believe this noble notion that "all things are possible," I've somehow developed these--for lack of a better word--goals over the past few years (okay, they've kind of been brewing my entire life) that just can't quite make it into the same category as those others I actually accomplished...

If you must know, one is moving to the United Kingdom and the other is becoming Kate Middleton.  Both of which involve being British.  A frustrating problem I have struggled with for nearly all my life. 

Since watching every documentary ever made on the Royal couple and every Wikipedia page linked to HRH The Duchess of Cambridge, I've pretty much given up on the idea of being Kate.  I'll never be 5'10'' and my legs never possibly so thin, but alas, I wouldn't admire her so much if I was her, now would I?  So it's probably better this way.

But about that other thing, moving myself to England...  Just WHY can't this happen??  I mean, come on.  It's as though every person in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is against me.  If it weren't for their stingy immigration laws, certainly the U.K. would be more apt to issue working visas for U.S. citizens in return!  Hmmm...maybe I should be blaming the U.K. department of whatever-it's-called security.  It's as if they're saying, "Sorry sweetheart, you left us, remember??  4 July 1776?  Ring a bell?"  Grrrrrr.  Not my fault!  Not my fault!!  I wasn't alive yet!

Ah, but can't I somehow be accepted in the United Kingdom long-term?  Maybe I'll go to graduate school at Oxford... Nah, too expensive.  Maybe I'll become a flight attendant and fly there so often, it'll be like I live there.  ...Planes are too restricting.  Ooooh, I could become an au pair!  ...Ah, that stupid no visa thing again...

I know!  I'll marry someone British and he'll have to take me back!  (And after all, Prince Harry's still single.)  ...Wait...that's not likely to happen unless I live there. 

Back to square one.

*Sigh*

Mother's Day

Mother.  Mom.  Mum.  Mommy.  Madre.  Whatever the word, the name brings peace, doesn't it?

I am truly and fortunate to have such a mother that seeks to bring peace to each of her children.  Not a day goes by that she is unforgiving, unavailable, or unwilling to share our burdens.  She is among the women the Lord certainly calls "noble" and "great."

As I ponder on motherhood this Mother's Day; and parallel it to my role as an elementary school teacher; I marvel at the influence, care, patience, and love actual mothers possess.  (Certainly 100 times more than I, as a teacher, can have now).  I recently came across this statement from Elder Ballard, expressing the acuteness of a mother's love; I believe it is one of the most beautiful reflections on the role of mothers ever written.

He says, “A mother’s nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their pre-mortal existence...  Because our mothers love us, we learn, or more accurately remember, that God also loves us.”

Because our mothers love us, we remember that God also loves us.  The Highest and most Supreme Being of our universe loves us infinitely more than even the women who gave us mortal life.  To feel that love completely would be something of a miracle, but I see glimpses of it in the singing birds, in the sweet summer air, in a child's laugh, and in my mother's eyes, filled with love for me. 

Thank you to my mother, all mothers, and God who love the even meekest, weakest parts of us. 

And Happy Mother's Day, Momma. 

A Little Enlightenment on "Well" Education

It is a Sunday evening.  I listen to spiritually uplifting video clips as I watercolor.  The old man in the clip affectionately refers to his wife as his "beautiful queen" who has always been by his side and supported his many endeavors.  Among her earthly qualities, he describes her as "well educated."  For whatever reason, at this phrase, I tune out the rest of his words in self-reflection.  I am suddenly, and probably unnecessarily, concerned with the implications of this phrase.  What does it mean to be "well educated" anyway?...

I turn to the family member nearest me and ask him blatantly if I am "well educated."  He pauses from the sentence in his novel and looks up at me confusedly, as though I just asked him to reveal the color of his underwear.  "I'm sorry, what?"  I repeat my direct, but loaded question.  "Yeah..." he says, not really knowing where I'm going with this, not wanting to incriminate himself with the wrong response.  We argue (not really argue, rather...banter) on the subject for a few minutes.  Just because you've had a lot of formal schooling does not necessarily mean you are well educated, true?  This is my opinion.  How is it that many bright minds cannot spell to save their souls (a real pet peeve of mine) and some college graduates can hardly remember basic math facts?  And if I am well educated, how do you classify the man I'm pelting with questions?  The PhD computer scientist, by the way.  So if I'm "well educated," what is he, like, "Supremely educated" or something?  I mean, how many gradients of "well educated" are there?

Clearly finished with this pointless conversation I can tell, I let him free.  Not off the hook for unsatisfying my query, but free for now.  Still, I, however, continue to muse on the matter.  I think of a scene in Pride and Prejudice where Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy, and Caroline Bingley discuss the meaning of truly "accomplished women."  An accomplished woman, Caroline declares, must be proficient in reading, dancing, drawing, "and the modern languages to deserve the word.  And something in her air and manner of walking..." (Yes is this a quote recited by heart...Are you "well educated" if you know P&P like you know your own sister's voice?).  Darcy agrees with Caroline, that the compliment is used rather liberally, while Lizzy bites back that he certainly must comprehend a great deal in the word "accomplished" and it's no wonder he only knows a handful, it's amazing he knows any truly accomplished (or may we substitute in this matter, well educated) women at all.  Oh, Miss Bennett, I love you.  I mean, who's to say what well educated and accomplished mean?  Aren't those pretty subjective descriptive words?  Akin to 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' perhaps?

I digress...  With this worry momentarily past me, thanks to Jane Austen and her brilliant heroines, I marvel, and stress out about, all the beautiful things I have yet to learn.  Think of the languages and the books I haven't tasted yet!  Ah, the cultures I haven't encountered and trials I haven't experienced.  I know little of science, but I can't help but awe at the scientific principles God must have used used to create this earth. . . and I know I will somehow learn them someday when I can create my own worlds and wonders.  Being well educated, I convince myself, is not about diplomas and marks and punctuation, it's not even really having a vast knowledge about everything.  It's the ability to think, to conclude, to reason, to wonder and question.  To make connections and inferences about your experiences and others', to self-regulate and ponder.  To create.  It is to use your brain to the full purpose it was meant to be used.  And to thirst for more.  To thirst, always, for more knowledge.  I guess, by this definition, I am well educated.  It is a sad world to those who aren't.

Ascension to Stardom

The Oscars.  A night of glamor, glitter, and gushing gratitude.  Yes, I am one of those people who records the entire 3 hour event--Red Carpet included, of course--and relishes one sitting to watch the massive production with all the commercial-skipping and dress-pausing action I like.  I am a Star-stalker. 

You know that obnoxious girl at the front of the line in the grocery store who doesn't realize it's her turn because she is studying People magazine as though the cashier is giving a quiz at the end?  It is me, it is me; I confess.  I don't know why I find such useless and invasive information so entertaining.  Not entertaining enough to actually buy my own copy and read it at home, just enough to annoy the grocery line and the occasional receiving nurse whom I cause to wait over Brangelina and the latest with their 6 kids. 


Never mind my pointless habit, the purpose of this post is more closely related to the Oscars.  You know, as a kid I always dreamed of being in movies; (who didn't, I guess, right?).  The Wizard of Oz was the first movie I memorized by heart, undoubtedly inciting my imaginative self-dialogue and mini mind-productions.  Seriously, my mom told me I used to dance down the aisles by myself and talk to the fruit as though they were my fellow actors.  Ha, I say I dreamed of being an actress as a kid, but who am I kidding?  I still dream that!

My problem (well, despite an agent and professional acting ability, I suppose) is the morality of Hollywood these days.  After watching the Oscar-worthy heartwarming film clips and humble winning speeches, I'd really like to believe that Hollywood is a wholesome place to work, but we all know better than that.  With just about more R-rated movies being made than G or PG combined, as well as the amount of sex, vulgarity, and let's just say liberal ideas infiltrating the majority of Hollywood pictures, I'm not so sure it's an environment I could or would choose to immerse myself in.  Not to mention the superficial, worldly appearances actresses feel the need to acquire these days.  Don't get me started... All in all, not a place for the religious, moderately conservative, twenty-something me.

....Not right now anyway...

But not to fear!  Alas, I have not given up on my dream entirely.  No.  I have cooked up a better plan than my 8 year old self had even considered.  I don't want to be a part of Hollywood as a competitive 20 year old, no, but I could wow audiences as a 50 year old star....!?  Couldn't I?  I mean, they always need old people in movies and how many old people are in the acting business? (Don't answer that question.)  And at 50, sure you probably still feel pressure to look Red-Carpet beautiful occasionally, but inevitably adorned with wrinkles and a naturally lower metabolism, the expectations are not nearly as high, certainly.  Few roles would require nudity or sex-scenes at this age; besides, those few can still go to Demi Moore when she's 70, so I'm good. 

It's settled.  I'll live a "normal" life--career, marriage, kids, the whole shebang--then, in my early 50s, my very supportive husband will help me pursue my acting dream by moving us to California.  I'll land a secondary role in a controversial (but appropriate) and/or inspiring film and be nominated for the Best Actress in a Supporting Role.  I'll woo everyone with my life-experienced wit and charm and the Academy, Hollywood, and audiences world-wide will wonder where I have been for 50 years.  My acting career will be made whilst bypassing the grunt of stardom.  Fabulous.

Look for me at the Oscars in 30 years or so.  I'll be the older lady...first time nominee...a starstruck star herself...wearing Louis Vuitton, thanks for asking.